CONTRIBUTE MORE THAN SEX TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE (PART 2) by Abdul-Ganiyy Raji
October 29, 2023
Where did we stop yesterday? Have you read the part 1 of this engaging and healthy lovelife tonic write-up?
Part 1 of our series on the topic above was released yesterday. I stated in it that wives needed to contribute more than sex to make their marriages work. Yes! Wives need to give more than sex to save their marriages. Wives who want true happiness in their marriages must recognise that there are other things that men need in a woman, apart from sex.
I am maintaining that same opinion in this part 2. Don’t forget that I have promised that a two-part write-up will also be released soon on the roles of the husband in achieving and sustaining success in his marriage. This promise will be kept. In Shā Allah. We need to balance our message so that husbands and wives take lessons that relate to them.
Now, let us continue our address to wives and by extension, all women. What are you contributing in your marriage? Is it only sex that you are bringing to the table? What else are you contributing apart from sex to make your marriage a happy one?
I mentioned in part 1 that as important as maintaining a good sex life is in a marriage, it is actually not enough to save a marriage. It is not enough to bring lasting happiness in marriage. There are a few other important things that a woman must contribute to save her marriage. So, as a wife, before you start saying, *My husband is bad, my husband is not responsible, I married the wrong man, my friends warned me not to marry this man, I shouldn’t have married this man, I regret marrying this man,* you need to check if you are also contributing the other things that a wife must contribute to save her marriage or attain a happy marriage, apart from sex.
Now, what are the other things that a wife should contribute in her marriage? What are the other things that men need in their wives? What are the other things that contribute to the success of a marriage? What are the other things that can make men truly love, respect and even adore and pamper their wives?
To answer these questions, we need to go back to the Qur’ān and find out the actual purpose for which Islam wants us to get married. Why do we get married? See Qur’ān 30:21. From this verse, we can see that, in addition to achieving legitimate intimacy or, you may say, sex, we get married to achieve true love, care, companionship, support, peace, safety, legitimate children, protection, comfort, a happy family and personal happiness. This means that a wife is to her husband, a dependable friend, a sincere adviser, a reliable life-partner, a co-traveller, a companion, a confidant, an unconditional lover, a home-maker, a peace-provider, a supporter, a motivator, a comforter, a stabiliser, a defender, a prayer partner, a business consultant, a financial adviser and an admirer.
Now, ask yourself. As a wife, what are you bringing to the table to make your marriage a happy one? Does your husband trust you enough to keep his most important secret with you? Does he consider you good enough for consultation when he needs advice? Can he find consolation and comfort through you when he feels emotionally down? Does he see you as dependable enough to keep money with? Does he trust you enough to let you know how much he earns at work? Does he trust you with the management of his house? Does he feel that you are raising his children in the right way? How much comfort, peace or tranquility do you provide him when he returns from work? How well do you manage your husband’s resources?
How often does your husband see you pray for his success? What kind of advice do you offer when he consults you?Have you convinced him that his success is your success and his sadness is your sadness? Have you made your home so comfortable and peaceful that your husband runs back home after a journey or after work? How attractive do you always appear before your husband? How well are you raising your children? How neat and healthy are they? If you have money, how many domestic responsibilities do you cover when your husband is away or financially down? Do you demand of him financial responsibilities that he lacks the capacity to bear? Do you compare him with your friends’ husbands or your brothers? Do you insult him or look down on him when he is financially down? Do you embarrass him in front of your children, friends or relatives because his finances are low at the moment? Do you make him feel like the man and the family head that he truly is? Do you respect him? Does he feel that you truly care about him? Do you share ideas with him on how best to raise your children and grow together as a family? Before you blame him or conclude that he is a bad husband, you need to examine your own role in the family and how well you are playing it.
If your husband does not feel safe around you, if your husband does not feel at home when he is actually at home, if your husband does not feel happy or excited to come home from work, if your husband will not let you know about his life, if the home front becomes toxic and acrimonious and your husband is always moody at home, then there is a problem.
There is always a price to pay for a happy marriage. As a wife, you must be ready to pay your own portion of the price. Even if you are the most creative woman in bed, but you lack the other qualities that make a happy marriage, you will still see that your marriage isn’t working. It requires a whole lot of commitment to make a marriage work. Prayer is also key to fostering a happy marriage. Do not leave God out of your marriage.
I will write about the roles of the husband in engendering a happy and successful marriage next week. In Shā Allah.
Meet again next week. In Shā Allah.
Oh Allah, bless us and make us fulfilled and happy in our marriage. Replace hatred, rancour, acrimony, hostility and poverty with love, peace, comfort, happiness and wealth in our families. Amin.
Abdul-Ganiyy Raji, NASFAT’s National Da’wah Officer and National Mission Board Secretary, wrote in from Lagos.