Metamorphosis of A Phlegmatic Married to A Scientist
January 2, 2024
“I never expected that my lifemate in marriage would tolerate my imperfections as my parents and mentors flowed with my flaws.”
I am a writer, thriving mainly in thoughts with THE PEN, yet in public service broadcasting as a strategist.
But these days, my fingers are fast and flexible on cellphones, laptops, and desk tops, tapping ideas in frenzy, oh frenetically, just on anything that catches my fancy.
Growing in the mass media these past 35 years after finishing from Akoka and 30 years in marriage to a biologist and environmental scientist, I realise that no human is perfect.
So, I had no expectation that the woman I would marry would be perfect. I also recognise my own imperfections as a human being. Therefore, I never expected that my lifemate in marriage would tolerate my imperfections as my parents and mentors flowed with my flaws.
From my knowledge of the typology of human nature learnt from the literature class during my A Levels at Adeke, Iwo, I realised that I am more of a phlegmatic, someone not easily roused by any circumstance, not always perturbed by any situation.
Also, I am naturally stoical, as growing up, I seem to have unconsciously imbibed the philosophy of fatalism and determinism, accepting whatever comes my way of fate and coping without complaining.
With these innate features, I am generally seen to be extremely humble and patient, persevering tolerant and calm, even cold or withdrawn.
Some of these are ordinarily commendable or praiseworthy features. But, they should also be balanced or moderated with some realism and rationality with certain colour and warmth of character.
Another feature I know I grew up with is some independence of learning and love for solitude. So, I hardly liked or tolerated a noisy or busy environment, nor do I always find fun at what people consider as enjoyment because I see them as distractions.
I also know I lacked taste and colour in choice of food or clothing as I am one of “anything goes,” never animated or fascinated by what others consider as beautiful and expensive or classy.
Moreover, I am a pure theorist on issues of life, always projecting, thinking in futuristics, and rationalising. Therefore, I find many people saying I don’t face reality, as my ideas are often seen as too utopian and impracticable.
I am never bogged by such comments because I always know someone somewhere on some day will face a situation where those theories will become relevant.
In addition, I am poor at making long and deep friendships, as most of my interests do not readily align with what will afford me a wide social circle.
I only love reading, writing, and talking animatedly when in my elements on what I’m passionate about.
What these flaws, however afforded me, is concentration in my academics and focusing on my writing career as I belonged to the class of rigour marshals and bookworms in those days.
I only found joy in discussing class work. serious and Islamic literature as what connected me with most people are class assignments and Dawah work.
My prized possession were my books as I still carry some that I used in my secondary school days, while most of my university notes are still intact for easy reference.
Indeed, as an 18-year-old while in HSC class, I had projected for myself a life in the ivory tower.
Therefore, for my type to find a soulmate to marry, it will be a special favour from Allah. Indeed, such must be a gift from God who will share a similar outlook with me.
Despite my colourlessness and lack of fun or social appeal, Allah still led me to many beautiful souls and immensely valuable and wonderful people who see strength in my flaws and indeed assisted to nourish them.
They opened doors for me, published my works unedited, involved me beneficial projects, wrote for me beautiful references, and gave me commendable recommendations.
I salute all my mentors, especially Baami and Maami, who, although never stepped into four walls of a school, invested in my books as if preparing me for a world of scholarship and journalism.
Baami never missed a copy of Atoka, a Yoruba illustrate magazine in the 70s for me. I also rate late Imam Salahudeen Ariyayo AbduIazeez of the BCOS Ile Akede Orita Bashorun Ibadan fame, my fatherly brother-in-law as one my greatest influencers for his unforceful approach to life, allowing you freedom, expecting that you know what ought to be done in any situation, the right course of action when faced with challenges.
I also acknowledge the unconscious role of my wife of 30 years, who I met in the vicinity of our iconic masjid at the University of Lagos as one of the factors of metamorphosis from a phlegmatic to imbibe the features of other types of nature.
It was in 1988 that I met Monsurah Modupe when I was a final year student of mass communication while she was just a biology sophomore, yet to figure out what the future holds for her in marriage.
Interestingly, except in ethnicity and commonality of creed, our nature and outlook are extensively polar and dissimilar.
While I oscillate within the prism of the phlegmatic and melancholic – the too serious – she is a bit of the sanguinary with some choler in her bloodstream, so can be a bit hot over what anyone can see as flimsy. Calm down; I always admonish her.
But she can also be studious like me, facing tasks singlemindedly and getting them done swiftly.
She is never given any prevarication or unnecessarily sentimental as she is of the rational-objective bend, unpretentious, and confident
Alhamdulillah, our marriage since 1993 has been one of different types of nature fusing to achieve a balance or harmony of emotions and thoughts for us drive at the same goal from different perspectives and wider latitude.
In the last 30 years of my marriage to Monsurah Modupe, Balogun, it’s being a long journey of personal growth. Self development, intellectual enhancement, and philosophical enrichment
Abdulwarees Solanke is the deputy Director/Head Strategic Planning and Corporate Development Department, Voice of Nigeria